Finding acceptance

When trying to be happy becomes a struggle,  it means you are avoiding what you need to be processing. If you are trying to be happy by avoiding thinking about an  unpleasant event or life experience, and you can’t seem to get to where you need to be emotionally, it probably means you haven’t processed the experience enough. You will know when you have, because that’s when you will find peace. And it may be awhile. It may even be months, depending on the situation you need to process.

The processing of emotions, of painful events, is an evolution of understanding. It’s painful, but you need to work through it. And you won’t work through it by ignoring it. If you ignore it now, it will only come back to haunt you later, and you’ll have to process it all over again.

Do what works best for you to work through a painful situation. See a therapist, talk to a friend, keep a diary, meditate, go for walks, write a blog. Whatever helps you find understanding and peace is the method for you. Whatever you do, don’t give yourself a timetable. Peace may come suddenly or peace may come slowly, but if you pressure yourself or berate yourself for not getting there sooner, it will elude you.

Notice the times when you feel better, and appreciate them as indicators of the progress you are making. Don’t judge them, don’t analyze them, don’t tell yourself you should have been feeling better sooner, just appreciate them and leave it at that.

We all have painful times that we must endure. Don’t be hard on yourself. Give yourself time to grieve, deny, hate, cry, question, mourn, forgive, process, understand, and whatever else you need to feel. You may have to go through all these things, and you may never reach understanding, but you must find acceptance. You must find acceptance. Otherwise you will drive yourself crazy continuing to look for answers that you’ll never find.

It would be nice if every negative event that happened to us came with an explanation, but life doesn’t work that way. Sometimes we will never understand why people who are supposed to care about us hurt us. But it happens. It happens every day. And some people get more than their fair share of this. But each time, each event, must be processed and eventually accepted, even when there is no explanation. It is one of the hardest trials of life, but one which makes us better, and hopefully stronger, in the end.

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Walking wounded

I’ve been thinking about my life and the lives of other people I know, people who have had to endure certain tragedies in their lives. Most if not all of us are walking wounded. There are some pains that will never go away. Most recently I was reminded of Eric Clapton, whose young son died suddenly and tragically quite a few years ago. The death of a child is not something you “get over.” Ever. You learn to live with it, you can even learn to be happy again, but you never “get over” it.

John Travolta also lost a son suddenly and tragically. As did someone I know personally. And even though the man I know has moved on with his life and has other children now, no one will ever replace his son, or the love he had for him, and I’m sure he misses him every day of his life.

Walking wounded. How many people are wounded from death, divorce, accident, or tragedy? How do we manage to pick ourselves up and go on?  When tragedy strikes us, we feel like time should stop so we can catch our breath and catch up to the rest of the world when we can. Instead, coldly, cruelly, time marches on, and we have no choice but to fall into step and march with it. Time waits for no one. It doesn’t even slow down.

Everyone has a secret pain they walk around with. They either share it or they don’t. We may know what the secret pain is for certain people we know well, but we may not know what it is for others. It may be something from childhood, adolescence, or adulthood. Or, for some, all three. The more we live, the more opportunity for pain. But if we remember that everyone walks around with some kind of pain deep inside, we might want to cut our fellow brothers and sisters a little slack. We’re all in this together, and we’re all just trying to get through life as best we can.

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