When It’s Time for a Kobayashi Maru

Star Trek fans will understand the reference to the Kobayashi Maru. For the less informed, I will explain: The Kobayashi Maru was a Starfleet Academy simulation test that gave cadets a no-win situation that would result in the destruction of their starship and the certain death of their crew. The point of the test was 1. To demonstrate that there would be no-win situations, and 2. To see how they faced death.

Enter James T. Kirk, that James Dean-like-rascal-turned-cadet, who was the only person in the history of the Academy to beat the test. He did it by changing the conditions of the test – or, as some said, he cheated. He reprogrammed the simulation so that he could win. As he explained, “I don’t believe in the no-win scenario.”

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. So if you find yourself in a no-win scenario, change the conditions of the test. If you are stuck in a rut, you may not be able to change everything, but you can change what you can.

I dated a guy who was in a rut with women. Although we had a nice time together, it wasn’t a mutual love connection, so I unwittingly contributed to his rut. After we stopped seeing each other, he was very depressed and considering giving up on dating for good. I knew how he felt (I’ve been there many times), but I assured him that he had a lot to offer, he just needed to find the right one.

During his time with me, he shaved off his mustache that he had kept for over 30 years. It was at my prodding, but not at my insistence. I was surprised he did it, to be honest, but it made him look younger. In fact, everyone said so, not just me. I thought he looked more attractive.

He changed the conditions of the “test.”

Today he’s in a relationship, has been for a while, and judging from the photos I’ve seen on Facebook, they’re very much in love and very happy. I couldn’t be happier for him.

Now I can’t say for sure that the mustache change was what made the difference, but as far as I know, it’s the only thing about him that changed.

There are other things you can do to change your conditions: if you’re stuck in a rut at work, you can learn new skills so you can advance; If you’re stuck in your career, you can take some courses and enter a new field of work, or start the business you’ve always dreamed of; if you’re stuck in your relationship, there are myriad ways of dealing with that too, by spicing it up, taking time away to reassess, and even, if it calls for it, ending it and moving on; if you feel stuck in your life because of your weight or health issues, you can do something about that too, if you make it a priority.

You don’t have to be stuck in the same endless loop forever and accept your fate. There is always something you can do to change the conditions of the test. And only you know what that is.

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I’m Not the Only One Seeing Hearts

My most popular post to date has been the one about seeing hearts everywhere. It appears I am not the only one seeing these signs. People all over the world are having the same experience, with hearts appearing in front of them in the strangest objects: chips (or crisps), cheese, mustard, water splatters, hose, wire, rocks.

Since I almost always have my phone with me, I take pictures of these hearts as I come upon them. Since my last post, there is a stone that my son found and saved for me (he often sees hearts, too),

 

 

 

 

a leaf,

 

 

 

 

 

another rubber band in a different configuration than before,

 

 

 

 

 

 

and my personal favorite, cheese on a cheese grater.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For some reason, these last two look more like angel shapes to me than hearts. I’ll let you be the judge.

Many have asked me what these mean. I haven’t really figured it out myself, but my opinion has evolved. I think it means that we should remember we are always loved, no matter what; and also a reminder that we must love ourselves.

Why are we seeing these signs? Have people always seen signs like this, or is this a recent phenomenon?  One person commented that they also see butterflies. Butterflies are significant for me as well, ever since the day my dad died.

After I got the call early in the morning that he had died, I went outside to fill my bird feeder because I was going to be gone for the week to help make the funeral arrangements and attend his funeral. As I was at the bird feeder, I noticed a monarch butterfly dancing around it, and I immediately had a feeling of “knowing” that it was a sign from my dad. How, I can’t even explain. He was always the center of attention (he was a musician, among other things), and the monarch seemed to capture that. I knew everything was going to be okay. I had just seen my dad the day before, and it was a good day. A very good day, in fact. And the next morning he was at peace. Now every time I see a monarch, I remember that day and I think of him.

What other signs are you seeing? Is it primarily hearts? I am interested in knowing what signs the Universe is sending, and what you think are the reasons why. I’m open to suggestions, because I don’t pretend to have the answers. It’s as much a mystery to me as it is to you.

Please comment and let me know your experiences with signs. I’m wondering just how widespread this phenomenon is.

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Lives of Quiet Desperation

I’ve seen them: the haunted, shell-shocked eyes, tinged with a glimmer of hope; the desperation eating them up inside, making them do things a well-balanced person wouldn’t do; rushing into relationships, imagining feelings that aren’t there, pushing too quickly for a love that won’t come. These are people living lives of quiet desperation. You’ve seen them too, although you may not have recognized them. But in my life, much time has been spent with, and observing, desperate people, or hearing stories about them from people I’ve met.

The woman who, on the second date, wanted the guy to come home and meet her kids. The woman who, on the first date, took the guy to a jewelry store and showed him the engagement ring she felt she deserved. The man who, at a singles dance, proclaimed to any and all who would listen that he was a widower, to put himself in a different class from those who were divorced (who, despite what you may believe, are not necessarily single “by choice”).

The ones who start looking for a new person before the old one is gone because they can’t stand to be alone. The ones who go far out of their age range or geographic location because they’re not having any luck where they thought they would.

I’ve seen them, I’ve heard about them, I’ve met them, I’ve dated them. They’re everywhere. And maybe not all are truly desperate, but many are. All searching for what’s missing from their lives.

Where do I fit into this? Good question. I’ve never considered myself desperate. While I don’t like to be alone, it’s something I can handle—obviously, since I’ve been doing it a very long time. Being with just yourself forces you to face yourself, get to know yourself, work on yourself. So many people don’t take the time to do that. They are so focused on finding satisfaction from someone else that they don’t bother to learn that they can find satisfaction in themselves. So many people don’t ever learn how to enjoy their own company, or even get to know who they really are, or who they have the potential to be.

I am a proponent of alone time, but also a proponent of together time, because it’s not healthy to always be alone. My occasional frustration with my alone status has been the subject of many blog posts. But I don’t want to be accused of being disingenuous by advocating that people spend alone time with themselves simply because that is all I know. There is much to be said for being part of a couple, and many things to learn from close relationships. Just because I’ve experienced very little of that over the past few years doesn’t mean I value it any less.

But those who read me regularly know how highly I regard the importance of balance. One cannot always be part of a couple and be balanced. Just as one cannot always be alone and be balanced. We must learn to be comfortable with both. Those in long-term relationships should take time out for themselves, as well as time with their own friends away from their significant other, because that brings out a different side of them.

And those who are alone should seek the company of another. But NOT because they are afraid to be alone, and NOT because they think someone else will make them whole. They should seek company because they realize the joy and learning that can be had when sharing life with another. They should approach the relationship from a place of strength, not weakness, from a place of health and wholeness in themselves, not a place of need.

While I realize I have just called myself “unbalanced” for perpetually being single, and while I know that if I were more desperate I’d probably be married to some guy right now (it probably wouldn’t matter who), I don’t ever want to get to the point where I admit to myself, “Okay, I’ve finally joined the ranks of the desperate.”

I would rather be strong in myself and let the process take its course. I look, but I won’t settle. Any man I get involved with has to be strong in himself and not be looking to fill a void within himself, a void borne of desperation and a fear of loneliness. And that will never change for me.

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The Manifestation Test

In my last post, I talked about how you can begin to manifest things in your life by starting with 17 seconds of pure thought. I also said I would provide a manifestation test for you to try. So here it is, the Abraham-Hicks manifestation test:

“We were talking with a woman on the telephone the other day about pure thought and she couldn’t really understand what we were talking about.

“We said to her, “Let’s take three subjects that you do not already have a habit of negative thought about.” Well, she couldn’t think of anything, so we said, “Let’s talk about the subject of blue glass.” She said, “What?!?” And we said, “Blue glass. You know, some of it is clear and you can see through it. Some of it is muted or frosted and you can’t see through it. Sometimes it is made into beautiful chandeliers or beautiful windows, or beautiful vases. All kinds are made from this beautiful clear or frosted blue glass.” And then we talked about feathers for 17 seconds and butterflies for 17 seconds.

“And then the telephone call came to an end and Jerry and Esther were in California, they were in San Diego and so they went to La Jolla for lunch. And when they got out of the car, Jerry is walking down the street toward George’s and Esther is walking into a shop and Jerry could not understand why she was taking a detour and Esther did not really understand it either, she just said, “Let’s look in here.” And so they went in and deep in the shop, Esther found a wall of the most amazing blue glass she had ever seen in her life. Shelf after shelf after shelf of amazing sculptures made of blue glass. Jerry did not understand why Esther was captivated by it because he had not heard the call and Esther did not make the correlation either. And they didn’t buy anything, it wasn’t appropriate for their house, it was just AMAZING blue glass!

“They had lunch and went to the park and as they were entering the park, they were surrounded by a flurry of butterflies. Esther still did not make the correlation. And as they were leaving about 15 minutes later, a little boy, an oriental boy, looked to be about two or three years old, had found a little pigeon’s feather on the ground and he was holding it at his full extension of his arm running toward Esther to show it to her. And it was not until then that Esther realized that in less than one hour of our spending 17 seconds together on those three subjects, the Universe had managed to deliver in DRAMATIC FASHION all three subjects.

“We encourage you to play this game AND we encourage you to play the game in threes. Because if you play it in one or two, you might be as Esther did and miss it altogether. If you will play this game just a little bit by taking subjects that are of slight interest, but most importantly, subjects that are pure because you have no contradictory thought about them, the Universe will prove to you in two or three days’ time that it is utterly and absolutely and ALWAYS responsive to your vibration.”

So there it is. There’s the test.

So why don’t you try it and see what happens? (I’m going to try it on something innocuous like buttons.) And let me know. Because if you can master this, you are on your way to becoming a powerful co-creator.

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 The above quotes are copyright Abraham-Hicks Publications. The official Abraham-Hicks website is http://www.abraham-hicks.com/.

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Manifestation Starts in Just 17 Seconds

Those who follow my Twitter posts (@Muser_of_life) know that I subscribe to the teachings of Abraham, or as I prefer it, Abraham-Hicks. I won’t go into the details of just who they are, as that takes some explaining. I will say, however, that they have collaborated to write several books and everything I have read makes sense to me.

So, then, I must accept it when I read something a little off-the-wall like manifestation of a desire starts with only 17 seconds of pure thought. Where does that measurement come from? I have no idea, but I’m willing to work with it.

This is what they say, and this is how it works:

“If you can hold a thought, just a simple thought, for 17 seconds, without contradicting it, another thought like it same shape, same size, same vibration, same tone, by law of attraction another thought like it will come to it.

“And at precisely the 17 second point, these two thoughts will join one another, they coalesce, and when they do that there is an energy that is expended; it is like a combustion point. And when these two thoughts join and combust, you can feel a measure of enthusiasm or interest bubbling within you. And in that moment of 17 seconds, these two thoughts that were same become one bigger, more evolved, faster vibrating thought.

“Now, if you can stay focused on this subject that you have chosen for another 17 seconds, at the moment that you cross the 34 second mark that is just two times 17, this now more evolved thought will attract unto it and – in other words, the thoughts attract each other. Your thought draws another and the other thought draws it, thoughts that are same in nature come together.

“And at the 34 second mark these two more evolved thoughts do the same thing, they coalesce, and there is another combustion point. At that point, these two thoughts become one, higher and faster in vibration. If you can maintain your attention to that now more evolved thought, at the 51 second mark, which is just 3 times 17, there is another coalescing, another joining of thought and another combustion point. If you can hold that more evolved thought for another 17 seconds, the same thing happens, and when you cross the 68 second mark, you have a combustion big enough to affect physical manifestation.

“Now 17 seconds doesn’t sound like much, but as we watch you we see that most of you at about 8 begin your contradictory vibrations. Most of you do not make it through a whole sentence without contradicting the vibration of your desire. People will say to us: “Abraham, I want more money, I am so tired of the struggle,” that was about 1 second. “Abraham, I want so much to be well, I am frightened of this illness.” You have been trained to be so objective that you keep shooting yourselves in the foot. It is a little bit like someone saying: “I want a cup of hot tea,” and so they turn the fire on under their pot, and just before it boils they turn it off, and then they turn it on again, and just before it boils, they turn it off and then they turn it on again and then just before it boils they turn it off and then they say: “For 15 years, I have been trying to get some hot tea!” And we say: “Just leave it on, just leave it on a little longer.”

“The reason you do not KNOW that the Universe is responsive to your vibration is because you are saying: “I want a new red car, but it is too expensive,” and as the Universe is responding to both vibrations, you end up with no change whatsoever.”

 

This is powerful stuff. In my next post, I’m going to talk about a simple test you can do to see if this works. I’m going to try it, too. Even if you don’t believe this can work, it’s still fun to try, and takes very little time. The hardest part, of course, is to hold positive (and only positive) concentration on something for 17 seconds without negative thoughts getting in the way. Hence the simple test, which I will reveal next time.

The above quotes are copyright Abraham-Hicks Publications. The official Abraham-Hicks website is http://www.abraham-hicks.com/.

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Optimism, Lemons, and Snow White

I take my hat off to the optimists of this world who can make lemonade from the lemons of life. Me? I tend to throw the lemons across the room in frustration and then ask the Universe why it keeps bringing me lemons. Not exactly the same strategy.

Though I try very hard to be an optimist, I consider myself a “realist,” which often translates into “pessimist.” I’m a glass half empty kind of gal. I don’t want to be, I just am. I was brought up that way, for one thing, to always watch out for the negative in situations, and I have struggled to be the opposite, to look for the positive. And I can usually find it, though sometimes it takes a while to see.

I also have read that we are hard-wired to be either optimists or pessimists, and, wouldn’t you know it, I drew the short straw on that one. So since I made the conscious decision years ago to be optimistic about life, I have struggled with my very nature. And honestly, it shouldn’t be so hard. But sometimes it is.

A few years back I wrote a business article about hiring optimists. It was based on a study that showed that optimists do much better in business than do pessimists, and in fact, have a very real, positive effect on a company’s bottom line. Take sales, for example. It’s a tough job making sales calls, and you routinely get rejected time and time again. Yet optimists will look for ways to do it better, will take the rejection better, and will ultimately be successful. The pessimists? Not so much. They will tend to get discouraged with all the rejection and lose hope of making their sales. I can relate; that would be me.

I know this is a silly (if not completely fake) analogy, but I like it. Remember Snow White? She had every reason to think her life might be dire, driven away by the Evil Queen who wished her dead, and hiding out in the woods, cooking and cleaning for a bunch of dwarves. But she was happy, and what did she sing? “Some Day My Prince Will Come.” How did she know? She didn’t, but she was an optimist. And it turns out she was right, because, after being poisoned and laying in a coma, her prince did come. And of course they lived happily ever after. (I would wager that in the sequel they’re divorced, but that’s the pessimist in me coming out.)

The problem with being a realist is that I never take the time to dream. I take what is in front of me, accept it (or not), but never really dream of something bigger or better. I just accept what is.

WRONG ANSWER.

Because the only way we expand is to dream up something new. The only way we can improve our situation is to dream of something better.

Hard-wired as a realist, I am not intrinsically a dreamer. It shouldn’t be an effort to dream of a better way of life, and yet, I don’t. Maybe I just don’t have much of an imagination (true), or intellectually I don’t see the point (also true), and yet, I know that dreaming, the imagination…that’s the key. That is your ticket to something better.

I know this is true, and yet I don’t practice it. And I could kick myself, because really, how hard is it to use your imagination to think of yourself in a better situation? And why is it so hard for someone like me to do it?

I was brought up to be practical. Dreaming is not practical. And yet I am fully aware of the power of the imagination. It’s truly extraordinary. You have no idea what power you possess within you to create what you want. At least, not until you try.

I think we should all imagine something we want, focus on it, feel it (and that’s the key, to feel as if you already have it), and see what happens. If we all did this, there would be an upward shift in consciousness. There would be a shift from pessimism to optimism. At the very least, we would all feel better, thinking of something good, something that we want, and imagining what it would feel like to draw that experience into our lives.

So I challenge you to try it. I’m certainly going to. And I’m going to try to practice this on a daily basis. I could feel my energy shift upward even as I wrote this post. Just for a couple of minutes, think of something you want, some experience you want to come into your life, and imagine what it would feel like if it were already there.

I have read that to begin to summon things to you, to manifest, it starts by taking only 17 seconds of pure, focused, positive thought (I’ll be writing more on that subject in a subsequent post).

So try it along with me and see what happens. And then leave a comment and let me know. Did you notice a shift in your energy to more positive energy? Did you manifest something in your life?

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100 Games of Checkers

If you played 100 games of Checkers and lost every time, would you continue to play? Would you look forward to playing or would you dread it? Would you never play again?

Do you know why I don’t play the lottery? Because I don’t believe I will win. Never mind the astronomical odds, even if the odds were better, I would never win, because I would never believe I would.

Have you ever wondered why people who win the lottery often win more than once? It’s because they have a “winning” mentality. The vibration they put out to the Universe is one of winning. They expect to win. And so, circumstances align, and they do.

Remember when Donald Trump lost his fortune? He didn’t blow away in the wind never to be heard from again, he built up another fortune. Why? Because he has the mentality of someone who is successful. He expects to be successful. And so he is.

Have you ever known someone who was a victim? Did they become a victim more than once? If they did, it’s because they developed a “victim” mentality. They expect to be a victim. And so, that is the vibration they put out to the Universe, circumstances align, and they are a victim once again.

I have never been the subject of a robbery, rape, theft, or assault, and I have worked downtown in a city, been in bad parts of town, put myself in dubious situations, and hiked and camped alone. I take the usual precautions, but I don’t worry about it. Why? Because I don’t believe it will ever happen to me. It’s not in my vibration, so I won’t attract it. And whenever I do find myself starting to worry about it, I immediately get rid of those thoughts, so as not to attract it into my experience.

Back to the Checkers. For me, my forays into dating are like the 100 games of Checkers. Every time I’ve played, I’ve lost. Every single time. It’s always the same story: they like me but I don’t like them; I like them but they don’t like me; we don’t like each other; we like each other, but other issues get in the way and it still doesn’t work out. Failure has become a mathematical certainty.

So once again, I ask myself: do I want to keep playing? Here’s my point:

Because of my long train of failed experiences, it’s hard for me to believe I will ever win at this game. Or is it that I never win at this game because I don’t believe I will?

There is a chicken-or-the-egg quality to this situation that I find disconcerting, because it’s perfectly reasonable for me to be discouraged for never winning.

And yet I know I have to turn the whole thing on its head and look at it the other way around. I never win because deep down, I don’t think I ever will. Of course I didn’t start out that way. As I said to my mom early on after my divorce, “Someone will show up eventually. They always do.” Except this time I was wrong. And as I started racking up the disappointments, my belief that someone would come along fell further and further down the list of things in which I believe. Until I just didn’t believe it anymore.

So every time I get the guts to foray into the dating world, I sincerely do so with a renewed sense of hope, until circumstances beat it back down into the reality that is my life. And I feel foolish for being hopeful, which I know is wrong.

The dating game is my Achilles’ heel. You have your own Achilles’ heel, the one thing you just can’t seem to conquer. I believe we need to work on our mindset and on our belief systems and think positively. Easier said than done, I know.

As if the Universe knew what I was thinking, I saw this quote today that was very appropriate:

“Never mind what-is. Imagine it the way you want it to be so that your vibration is a match to your desire. When your vibration is a match to your desire, all things in your experience will gravitate to meet that match every time.”  ~ Abraham

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A Tiny Spark of Hope

I recently wrote about my situation of running into dating dead-ends every time I get out there, and wanting to give up. Yes, I have my bad days (and I am roundly chastised for losing hope by my friends). But I am only human, after all. If I didn’t lose hope once in a while, I would be a freak of nature.

And so…I carry on.

As I have explained in a previous post, I was once told that I had the gifts of sight, hope, and relevance (hence the title of my blog). At the time I didn’t understand what that meant, but since then, I have come to understand it very well. Sight: to see what others might miss; to observe, not just with my eyes, but with my heart and my intuition. Hope: to persist no matter how dire things get, to always believe that things will get better. And Relevance: to perceive what really matters in life out of all the clutter with which we surround ourselves.

More importantly, I was told that I should share these gifts with others. Actually, it wasn’t a directive so much as a question; I was asked what I thought about sharing these gifts with others (because we always have a choice). I thought it was a good idea, so it has been my life’s mission to share what I know, what I observe, and what I perceive, with any and all who care to read it.

I believe that the people who read my blogs read them for a reason, and I believe that those who need to get a particular message, get it. Somehow, they will read the right blog post at the right time.

Sometimes I’ve written about topics that jumped into my mind for no apparent reason; yet I wrote about them, because intuitively, I knew someone needed to read that message. And sometimes I’ve been given feedback to tell me I was right.

Doing what I do is a blessing and an honor. And so…feeling lucky once again, I turn my attention outward instead of inward; to others instead of to myself. And once again, I hope that everything, including my own situation, will get better. Hope is what gets us through the darkest times.

I will share something that I have shared with very, very few people. It’s about a time when my very life depended on the power of hope. When I was in my late 20s, I was engaged to a man who cheated on me. It wasn’t so much the cheating, I saw that coming; it was the end of the relationship that devastated me. It was my second failed engagement, and I felt like my life was over. I was very depressed for about a year. I didn’t want to live. I didn’t want to die either, necessarily, but every night when I went to bed, I didn’t really care whether or not I woke up the next day—I  just wanted to get away from the constant pain I was in.

I understand depression, because I have been to the Black Pit of Despair. I have truly lived in Hell, because I can think of no worse fate than total isolation, total despair, and 24/7 pain. There is no relief, just constant suffering every waking moment. But I was able to crawl out of that pit, hand over hand, knee over knee, slowly, with only a tiny spark of hope to light my way.

Because deep inside, underneath all that emotional pain, that tiny spark of hope kept me from giving up. I knew deep down that the guy wasn’t worth all my suffering, and that there had to be something better for me in the future. And I was right. A few years later I got married, and a few years after that I had a son, who is the light of my life and my greatest joy.

The tiniest spark of hope can move mountains, can do the seemingly impossible. Without hope, we have nothing. Without hope, we wither and die. Hope can get us through our darkest hour, no matter how long that hour lasts. Hope should never be underrated, and it should never be squelched.

We are all human, subject to the human spirit with all its flaws. Even religious and spiritual people can get out of whack sometimes. But no matter how bad it gets, as long as we continue to have hope, we can always find our way back.

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Why Not Me?

I see men I used to date who are now happy in relationships, and while I am genuinely happy for them, I ask myself, Why not me? I see women friends who have been single as well, and I’ve seen them get involved in new relationships, and I ask myself, Why not me?

That’s the million dollar question. Why is it so easy for other people to find someone but so difficult for me?

Part of it is that I need a certain kind of man who is hard to find around here. But that’s not all of it. Part of it is the fact that I’m not one of those women who “goes” with just about any man, like some “vanilla” women who seem to be a match for just about any kind of man on the planet. But that’s not all of it. Part of it is the fact that I don’t “click” with many men, and have feelings for even fewer. But that’s not all of it. Part of it is that I won’t take crap or allow myself to be treated poorly. But that’s not all of it, either. There’s still some element missing, but I don’t know what it is.

Perhaps it’s my deep-down belief that there is no one special who is waiting or “designated” for me. I don’t believe there is a “love of my life” for me in this lifetime. So part of me feels it doesn’t matter who I end up with, it’s just a crap shoot at this point, and I’m just looking for someone I match with well enough. But even with using those less-than-stellar parameters, my search falls short.

Sure, I could be more beautiful, more thin, more smart, more rich. But somehow I think it wouldn’t make any difference. Somehow I think I would still be in the same place, asking myself the same question: Why is it so easy for others and so hard for me?

One of the guys I dated some time ago falls in love at the drop of a hat. I’ve never seen anything like it. He goes from relationship to relationship so easily, finding someone quickly and falling in love in a microsecond, readily devoting his entire life to each woman. While I can’t advocate that type of existence, I do envy him the ease at which he finds and dives into relationships. And when he gets hurt he doesn’t stop looking, he just finds someone else and dives in again.

It’s not that I don’t want to fall in love, I just don’t. That’s not something you can make happen or not make happen; it either happens or it doesn’t. Sometimes it doesn’t happen when you want it to, and sometimes it happens when you don’t want it to (I’ve experienced both). It is something largely beyond our control.

So as I hit the dating pool once again, and find myself rejecting man after man again (for either lack of chemistry or character), I am left to wonder: Is there really anyone out there for me? Or am I just wasting my time?

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