Find Someone You Trust When You are “Stuck” in Life

I have a life coach. Not many people know that (actually, I don’t know if anyone knows that), but I’ve seen him on an occasional basis for probably close to ten years (whenever I feel the need for guidance). He is many things – he’s a life coach, mentor, healer, counselor, visionary, and friend. He tells me things I forget to tell myself. He helps me get “unstuck” when I am “stuck” in life. He reminds me to appreciate myself. He encourages me to break out of my patterns and develop new ones. And I’ll listen to him, because I trust him and because he is good and wise. He is one of the best people I know.

If you have read enough of my blogs, you know that I am a spiritual person, and I have ideas about life, death and spirituality that not everyone shares. But he does. I can tell him anything and not only is it accepted, it is confirmed. It is a wonderful feeling to be able to say anything without fear of disbelief or worse, being told I am wrong. What I believe is my truth for me, and it’s nice to find someone who shares in that truth. He is the right person for me to confide in. I have confided in others, but he has been the best fit overall.

Just as I found the right fit, you need to find the right person for you. It doesn’t have to be a life coach, but it does have to be someone whose opinion you value and whose advice you trust, and be someone who wants the best for you no matter what. Someone who will kick you in the pants to get you going, if necessary.

It could be a friend, mentor, teacher, counselor, family member, psychologist, psychiatrist, doctor, spouse, and the list goes on. I believe the right people come into our lives when we need them. I once needed a tremendous emotional healing, and the right person came into my life for that. She did wonders. She is still in my life, but not in that capacity. But she was exactly the right person with the right prescription that I needed at that time (it was a healing brought forth through guided meditation, and it was more powerful and more instantaneous than any drug could ever have been). I knew I was led to her, and she came through exactly as she said she would. It was the most profound healing experience of my life and I will never forget it.

The point is, when you are stuck, or when you need healing, look inside yourself and then look outside; the right people will be there if you are open to letting them in.

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When Will the Killing Stop?

This is not a political post, just an observation on humanity. When I look at ISIS, what I see is a bunch of people who are angry that not everyone is like them. So they kill those who are different from them, like so many other groups, religious or otherwise, who have done so before them (including Christians – don’t forget the Crusades). So imagine this reign of terror goes worldwide and they are successful in killing everyone who is not like them. Will that make them happy? No.

Then they will start finding differences among themselves. Smaller differences, but still differences. And someone, the person who is the most dominant, will decide that one way will be the “right” way and everyone else will be “wrong” and THEY will have to be eliminated. And pretty soon you have an even smaller group of people, and differences will be found among THEM, and the process will start over until everyone is dead but the last man standing who thought he was right and everyone else was wrong. Will THAT make him happy? No.

What is the endgame? There is no endgame. It’s the hatred and the fighting against others they revel in. It feeds upon itself.

I was observing the other day how we all drive a different vehicle and everyone accepts that we are all free to choose the vehicle of our choice. No one makes me drive a Chevy. No one says, “You have to drive a red car or you are wrong.” Some people drive big, loud, noisy trucks. I may not like them, and it wouldn’t be my choice, but that’s their choice and it doesn’t concern me. I drive what I like, and so does everyone else, and we coexist as we drive our different vehicles down the highway together.

So if we are free to choose the vehicle we want to drive, why are we not free to choose the life we want to live? Why must there be this desire to make everyone else conform to one way of thinking and believing, to have us all live the same life? If we all drove exactly the same car, we would long for more diversity in vehicles. So why is it so hard to accept the diversity in lifestyles that make up the human race?

I learn so much from people who are different from me, more than I could ever learn from being with people who are just like me. I get different perspectives I would never have thought of, and I better understand others’ life experiences. Our own life and the lives of those we are closest to are our only frame of reference, and that frame is often very small.

Mark Twain said, “Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness…Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one’s lifetime.”

I love to travel to other countries where I only begin to scrape the surface of what it feels like to be part of another culture. And it feels amazing. I don’t understand why we as a civilization have made no advancements in thousands of years in how we treat each other. I keep thinking that as the world becomes a smaller place, more connected, we will learn to live with each other due to greater understanding and contact, but that does not seem to be the case. People are denying the existence of the Holocaust and even glorifying the Nazi regime while the last of the Holocaust survivors are still living. What happens when they are all gone and no one is left to tell the tale? How can we be so overwhelmingly brutal to each other, again and again, and never evolve away from this mindset?

It gives one a pessimistic view of humanity taken as a whole. No wonder we trumpet those acts of kindness we find so rare, when a white police officer goes over and above to help a poor African-American woman. We cry and we cheer when we see such stories on the news or on Facebook, but the truth is, this is what should be happening EVERY DAY, EVERYWHERE. This should be the NORM, not the exception. It’s hard for me to understand why, in thousands of years of evolving as intelligent creatures, with all the technological advances we have made in the last century, we remain so emotionally immature. How is it that part of us has not evolved?

I have no answer, for there is none. For myself, I can only shake my head at a world that is full of hate and senseless violence; celebrate such acts of kindness that can be found; and do my part to make this world a better place.

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I Got My Mojo Back!

Regular readers of my blog will know that I haven’t written much since I started my latest job nine months ago. I’ve had no time, for one thing.  I tried to keep up with my posts, but after a while it was too much of an effort, and I really just didn’t have anything to say. I lost my mojo.

Until now. I got my mojo back this morning.

I have been revitalized by a number of things. First, I have recently quit my job because of stress, and only have three weeks left at this point. Second, I have decided to take some much-needed time off between jobs (not that I have another job lined up yet, but one will surface, I’m sure of it). This time is needed to catch up, decompress, and de-stress. And work on house projects with the goal of starting to get my house ready to sell.

Changes are afoot, much-needed, long-overdue changes. I have finally made the decision to get out from under this yoke that is homeownership. I have been overwhelmed for the last ten years trying to do it all (I have a labor-intensive home), and it’s time to live a more manageable life, one that will allow me to have a social life, and even to date if I so choose.

I also have long term plans, but I will keep those to myself for now. Suffice it to say that this is the first step toward bringing those long range plans into fruition.

My long range and short range plans energize me. What also energizes me is a meeting I recently had with my spiritual advisor. (Yes, I have one. Everyone should, I highly recommend it.) I had a strong feeling I should meet with him, and I even had the feeling of what day and what time (and, even with only a few hours’ notice, it all worked out, which did not surprise me in the least). When I get these feelings, I know that he has information for me that will help me in some way or provide clarity.

He told me things that verified what I was feeling, verified my plans, and even told me things I didn’t ask about concerning other areas of my life that I apparently needed to know. As a result of this meeting, I woke up this morning writing in my head. Writing another book, in fact. Yes, I know, I never got the last book I wrote published, but I still have it, it still has value, and I haven’t abandoned it forever – just put it on hold until the time seemed right to pursue it again.

What matters most is that the conduit has been reopened. I am once again the vehicle for information that is streaming through me, information that I hope will help someone someday, for that is really my goal: to share what I’ve learned in this lifetime to help others live a better life – mostly by not making the mistakes I did. And I’m not talking about life mistakes, but spiritual mistakes, like not listening to my heart, my emotions, or my spirit guides, and making all the wrong choices based on fear.

That in itself could be a book. But I digress.

As one job is ending but before the next one begins, I am going to write, as well as work on other projects. Financially it may not be the most practical decision, but in the grand scheme of things, I know it is the best thing I can do for myself. And here’s how I know: because I’m listening to my emotions for once. I could take a temporary job that will burn me out but pay the bills (I feel it’s what I should do, and yet it fills me with dread, knowing I will simply go from the frying pan into the fire). Or I could live off my savings for a few months, recharge, re-energize, and re-balance my life (this thought makes me feel very light and happy and with no dread, feeling that things will work out financially). One is the practical choice; one is not.

Those who know me know that I’ve never been afraid of doing the unexpected or taking the impractical road. And so I will do so once again, trusting that the Universe has a plan for me and that it will all work out.

So I look forward to this in-between time. My son is supportive, knowing just how out of balance I am. But what tells me the most that it is the right thing is the fact that I’m back. My soul has returned to me from wherever it was. And I’m very much looking forward to writing again.

For the first time in a very long time, I don’t feel so overwhelmed, because I know peace is coming soon. I feel positive; even happy. Things are going up from here.

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My Gratefulness Jar

A little over a year ago I decided to create a “gratefulness jar,” and whenever something happened for which I was especially grateful, I would write a note and put it in the jar. The theory was that whenever things were going badly, I would read the notes and feel better and more grateful for the things I have.

To be fair, the gratefulness jar was not my idea; the idea was given to me by a man I was dating at the time. So Marty, if you happen to read this, I’m giving you all the credit.

I hope his gratefulness jar worked better than mine did. I just looked through my notes, and apparently I stopped being grateful last April. I put the jar aside and forgot about it.

But re-reading the notes I wrote, I am surprised at the things for which I was grateful. Here is a sampling:

• I found $15 in the pocket of my pants; no idea why the money was there or how long it had been there, but it came at a time when it was very much needed.
• I bought ice cream for my sore throat when I was sick and it soothed it very well.
• I went to an auto parts store to replace my headlight and they gave me a replacement for free (for various reasons). This was at a time I was low on money, so I was especially grateful, and I wasn’t asking for anything for free, so it was quite unexpected. And welcome. It was like the Universe knew I needed a break.
• The man I was dating paid me some very nice compliments (had I not written that down, I never would have remembered that; funny how we tend to remember the negative when a relationship ends (or maybe it’s just me)).
• Nathan (my son) decorated around the house and yard for Christmas. He is always decorating something. I love how he beautifies my life.
• I was grateful that I got a lot of filing, organizing and tax prep done. I was surprised to find that I was grateful to have a productive day, even though it involved a lot of work.
• I was grateful to have fixed the bathroom sink drain.
• One of my friends (Julie) came to talk to me after a school meeting to tell me how much she loves my writing. (Love this one! Thank you Julie!) I wrote, “I’m grateful for good friends.”
• I had a dream about an ex-boyfriend in which he told me he loved me and that he had been the happiest with me (compared to all his other women, I guess). While that is likely not true, when I woke up I wasn’t so angry at him anymore, and that was worth something.
• Twice I wrote about how much I love it when Nathan hums while he’s working. I also wrote that I love it when he helps me without me asking him.
• Nathan fills my life with love, beauty and joy. I’m always grateful for that.

I wish I hadn’t stopped making contributions to the gratefulness jar in April, because I wonder what other things I would have been grateful for throughout the year.

What I found really interesting about this process, not having seen what I wrote for almost a year, is that I had no idea what I would find when I started reading. I was surprised at the small things that I was grateful for. But that’s a good thing, because it’s really the small things that make up the fabric of life. The large things come along once in a while, but we rely on the small things to keep us going day-to-day.

It’s good to practice the habit of gratefulness. It puts you in a good mood, for one thing. I am in a better mood just for having read all these things over again and writing about them.

I started a new gratefulness jar. I have a few things in there, but I can see I’m having the same problem as last time: forgetting to use it. I will try harder to remember this time around.

What are YOU grateful for?

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Flashes of Brilliance

I had a flash of brilliance the other day. That’s what I call them, though they may be more correctly called flashes of insight or understanding. You know what I’m talking about. When all of a sudden you see something so clearly, something that’s vexed you, maybe for years. (Yes, I said “vexed.” I’ve been reading Jane Austen. Let it go.)

Usually my flashes of brilliance come during that amorphous time between sleep and awakening when I am partly conscious. During that brief time of semi-consciousness we are extremely open to insight. Not only do we have an open pathway to our soul, but our soul knows the answers our brains lack. And it delivers, if we are open to listening to it.

I have come to understand more problems and issues during this miniscule time of day than any other. They generally involve relationship issues I didn’t understand that occurred within the last few years. The insight I gained during these brief times helped me understand why things happened the way they did and helped me resolve them in my mind. It helped me to let things go that still bothered me.

But the flash of brilliance I had the other day involved something that occurred over a decade ago, something that happened that I didn’t entirely understand. And what I realized was that I screwed up a relationship way back then. Not only for myself, but for him as well. It had been meant to be, I’m sure of it. And it never was.

There is no pain associated with this anymore, as it was so long ago and we are no longer in touch. In fact, I have no idea what happened to him. He is like a vague memory.

Interestingly, I don’t feel regret, either. Yeah, I screwed up. And normally that would fill me with painful regret and self-loathing. But I am so far removed from the emotional ties of that time and to that person that there is no room for regret in the remembering. It just doesn’t matter at this point. But I did learn why I screwed up, and it’s a pattern I need to change. I think that’s why I received that flash of brilliance now; to learn what not to do in the future, to recall that I have a pattern that needs breaking where it comes to certain men. The good men. The ones with potential.

For some reason I feel I don’t deserve them. And that’s what it was at that time. I felt he must be for someone else; not for me. What I just realized was that he WAS meant for me, and I was meant for him. It was supposed to be. And it didn’t happen, because I screwed up.

Oh well. I will take the understanding and the lesson and learn from it and apply it in my future. I am glad to have the realization, but even more glad that it is from so long ago that it doesn’t pain me. Because it certainly would have very much, had I realized this a few years ago.

Flashes of brilliance are unpredictable. I don’t know if they happen when they are meant to or if they occur when we need them. They are one of life’s mysteries to me. But I, for one, am glad to experience them. They have brought me comfort over the years.

Have you had any “flashes of brilliance?”

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Learning to Accept What Is

I spent a lot of time, years actually, not accepting certain situations I found myself in. I was frustrated, disgruntled, and very angry. It didn’t help. In fact, it just made matters worse.

The only way to improve your situation is to accept where you are and go from there. But you can’t go from there if you’re too busy being mad about where you’re at.

Negative energy only creates more negativity in your life. I can tell you from my own experience that the angrier you get over your circumstances, the worse they get. They certainly don’t get any better just because you’re angry. I’ve observed this pattern with others, as well.

Every time I’ve seen someone in this situation, where it’s spiraling down, it took a paradigm shift in their approach to life to move away from this pattern. I’ve seen people do it, and I’ve done it myself. It’s not easy, but it is necessary to get back on track.

It took me a long time to get over that pattern. It took me a long time to accept where I was at. But once I accepted it and was no longer angry, I looked for ways to shift my energy to something more positive. I knew if I emitted more positive energy, more positive things would happen in my life. And that’s exactly what happened.

It’s difficult, when we get stuck in a negative pattern, to remember we have to find ways to be more positive to get out of that rut. There is a certain kind of satisfaction we get in wallowing in our sorrow, hurt, pain, and anger. And maybe it even serves a purpose to throw ourselves a pity party once in a while — as long as that party doesn’t overstay its welcome and last too long.

After all, life is hard. Sometimes, it’s very hard. And sometimes we seem to get more than our fair share of difficulties while other people have good things come to them so easily. But we must not be jealous of others’ good fortunes. It does us no good; it just makes us more bitter and increases that pattern of spiraling down.

All we can do is concentrate on ourselves and on our own lives. All we can do is try to be as positive as we can be, and think of others before ourselves (which is a great way to take our mind off ourselves when we’re not happy with our circumstances).

When you find yourself in a rut or spiraling down in negativity, you need to make a shift. Take a step back, look at your life objectively, take ownership of how you brought any negative situations into your life (they are always in some way our own doing, even if others have wronged us), and think of positive steps you can take to get to a better place.

If you are in a negative place because you are grieving, give yourself time to grieve, but know when it’s over. You will instinctively know the difference between grieving and holding on to grief too long.

I don’t understand how we get comfortable with emotionally negative patterns, but we do. I suppose like any habit, it’s what we get used to if it’s what we live with long enough.

The bottom line is, take care of your emotional health. If you don’t do it, who will?

A friend of mine had a license plate that said something like “B POSITV.” “Be Positive.” I think of that often when I need a reminder to live it.

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The Price of Worry

Worrying is using your imagination to create something you don’t want. ~ Abraham

We all know someone who constantly worries about something. There are some people who, if they aren’t worrying, aren’t “happy,” or something to that effect. Some people feel it’s their job to worry about everything. To expect the worst, so they’re not disappointed when it happens, or pleasantly surprised when it doesn’t. I used to be one of those people.

Preparing for the worst and expecting the worst are two different things. There is nothing wrong with being prepared. For example, it’s good to be aware of your surroundings when you’re walking downtown, lock your doors at night, and so on. But you prepare and then you don’t dwell on it.

On the other hand, if you are convinced that something bad will happen to you, if at every corner you expect there to be trouble, then that’s the vibration you emit to the Universe, and you are likely to draw that “trouble” into your life.

You bring about what you think about.

So if you dwell on the things you don’t want, you could make them happen, just because you’re dwelling on them. It doesn’t matter if you’re thinking about how much you DON’T want something; you’re still giving your attention to the unwanted thing, which draws it into your experience, regardless if it’s the opposite of what you want.

The Universe is a mirror. It reflects your vibration. That’s why when you worry about things, doing so can bring about the very things you are afraid of.

Luckily, there is a delay between thought-vibration and manifestation, so that what you think about doesn’t immediately show up. If you thought about what would happen if a lion got loose in your neighborhood, thankfully, a lion doesn’t immediately show up roaming about your neighborhood. (We live near a small zoo, close enough to hear the lion roar in the evening; so I actually do wonder about this from time to time. I don’t worry about it, though.)

Nothing can come into your experience unless you draw it in. This goes for both the good and the bad. That’s why it’s so crucial to keep your thoughts positive.

Not long after my husband and I separated I consulted a life coach and told her all the things I was worried about, including worry for my son. She warned me against bringing all that needless worry into my life and into his. She said the negative energy would affect not just me, but him as well. I immediately stopped all (well, most) of my worrying and tried to concentrate on positive thoughts. The idea that my negative thoughts would affect my son negatively wasn’t something I was prepared to hear….or to do.

For someone like me, a natural pessimist, it’s easy to dwell on the negative. My mind just seems to go there. It is an effort to concentrate on the positive. But it’s also a response one can learn, and I’ve gotten better at it. I complain less than I used to (at least I think so). I feel more positive. I feel lighter. It really does make a difference when you don’t carry the negative weight of the black cloud of thoughts with you wherever you go.

That black cloud can affect you physically. Mind over matter is real. Negativity can manifest — WILL manifest — in your body as illness.

You are not doing yourself, or anyone else, a service by worrying.

So don’t go there. Think positive thoughts. Because the price of worry can be more costly than you think.

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The “Coincidences” Continue…and Involve EFT Tapping

I wasn’t sure if I was going to tell you all about this, but I figure…what the heck. I can give you the straight facts of what happened and you can be the judge of whether you think it was a coincidence or not.

On Thursday September 5^th, I attended a free webinar on EFT Tapping by Nick Ortner, creator of “The Tapping Solution.”

If you are not familiar with tapping, or emotional freedom technique (EFT), it involves tapping on a series of acupressure points on the body to help achieve emotional health on an issue and remove psychological blocks. It’s somewhat similar to acupuncture but without the needles. Like acupuncture, acupressure techniques have been around for thousands of years.

I’ve known about tapping for decades, when a social worker friend first told me about it. It sounded strange to me then, as it does to me now, but she swore by it. Although I was skeptical, I am also open-minded, and I figured I had nothing to lose.

This particular webinar was focused on removing blocks to financial health.

The webinar recounted all sorts of financial success stories which I took with a grain of salt. I just figured it might be an interesting way to spend an hour or so and I was curious, though not really thinking it would do anything for me.

I went through the tapping exercises (if you’re curious, you can see a short video here. It’s a slightly different method, in fact there are many methods, but they all hit the same acupressure points). Afterward I can’t say I felt relief or really anything at all, but just went about my business as usual.

FACT: The very next day, September 6th, I got the initial screening call for what has become my new job. The screening call went very well, and the HR representative indicated she would recommend moving me further through the interview process.

FACT: This is the furthest I had gotten in any interview process in many months. The last interview I had was seven months earlier.

FACT: That very same day, September 6th, I also received a call to interview for a long-term contract job at another large corporation, a job that paid well and which I would have taken, had the other job not come through.

FACT: On September 13th, a week after the webinar, I received an email to start the process to take on more freelance work with a well-paying client.

FACT: Three opportunities to make more money all occurred within eight days after I did the tapping, after I had been going through a financial dry spell for many months.

COINCIDENCE? I think not.

And yet I can’t explain it, either. I’m not going to go so far as to say it was the tapping that did this. But something happened to turn my financial world completely around for the better after months of trying.

All these events happened just as I said, and can be verified by my calendar notations and phone records. In other words, I am not making this up; I couldn’t even have dreamed this up if I tried.

If you want to try it for yourself, on whatever issue is most troubling you, go ahead. I make no judgments, no assertions; all I have done is to tell you the facts of what happened to me after I did the tapping.

I’m still mystified and perplexed by these events, but I know that there are many mysteries to the Universe. I don’t have to understand them to accept them and benefit from them, which I am heartily prepared to do.

Have you or someone you know had any experiences with tapping? Do you think you might try it?

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I Get Jobs in Mysterious Ways…Including My New One

Not many people know this, but my last two jobs, plus the one I was just hired for, were obtained under unusual circumstances. In each case, the front-runner or short-term incumbent in the position vacated it, leaving me with the job. I swear Fate has taken a hand in this every single time.

Two jobs ago, my husband and I had just moved to a new area for his job and I was looking for work. I answered an ad in the newspaper for a human resources job, even though the deadline for applications mentioned in the ad had passed. I thought of calling to ask about the error, thinking maybe the ad was run by mistake, but decided just to send in my résumé anyway.

It turned out that someone had taken the job, which was a newly created position, but left after two weeks to return to her previous employer. One interview later, I was hired. It was a great job that I held for four years and I learned a lot that was essential to my getting the next job.

After having a baby, making a move, being a stay-at-home mom and getting a divorce, I was looking for work again, this time in another part of the state. I had been looking for many months for another HR job, but no one seemed to want to hire me after I had been out of the workforce for a few years.

After months of this, something kind of crazy happened. I was sitting by my computer, and the word “editor” jumped out at me. And I thought….yeah, I would like doing that. I had never even considered it before.

Not long after that happened, I saw the ad for an editor position at a local publishing company that would meld my HR knowledge, wicked research skills and inherent writing ability. I literally got chills up and down my body as soon as I saw the ad. I knew that was my job.

I went through an extensive hiring process for this job which was also a newly created position. It took several hours over several days to get through all the testing and interviews. Then came the final writing test. I did just fine with it, and I was hired.

It wasn’t until months later that I found out I was not the front-runner for the job. Another woman with more HR experience was. But when it came down to the final writing test, the last and final test, I don’t really understand what happened, but it was described to me that she had some sort of “nervous breakdown” and couldn’t complete the test. As a result I got the job, a job I wanted very much. I was there for seven years, and I learned a lot that was essential to my getting the next job.

Two years later as a struggling freelance writer, I found myself looking for work again. A job came to my attention, a paralegal position at a large corporation. The first time I saw the ad, I wasn’t sure about it, but eventually half-heartedly submitted an application. I didn’t even get a screening call.

A couple of months later, I saw the ad again, but this time it was changed to add more of a newsletter writing component, which piqued my interest considerably. I knew I wanted this “new improved” job which would blend my employment law knowledge with my writing skills, so I applied right away, wondering why it was being advertised again so soon.

Almost immediately I received a screening call. During that call, it was revealed to me that an internal candidate had gotten the job, but that she and her husband were going to be transferring out of the country. To South America. So the job, which was also a newly created position, was vacant.

And it was mine. I knew it was mine. How did I know? Because of the circumstances leading up to this. It couldn’t be a coincidence, it just couldn’t. And I was right.

I’m not sure what to make of all this except to say that I don’t believe in coincidences. It doesn’t bother me at all that I wasn’t the front-runner for any of these jobs. What matters is that I ended up with each job. The past two were great jobs, and I have a feeling this next one will be, too.

I feel it has all happened the way it was meant to be. I have no other explanation for these unusual circumstances. I believe the Universe really does look out for us.

Have you ever had anything freaky like this happen to you?

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My Two Years in Poverty: What I Learned About Life and Money

Two years ago I quit my job to work from home as a freelance writer, and since then I have lived in a poverty-like state. I do not want to disrespect people who truly live in poverty due to job loss or inability to find decent paying work, and live from unemployment check to unemployment check. Others find themselves in poverty through no fault of their own. I willingly did this to myself. But it’s been a difficult road nonetheless.

Unlike the truly poor, I have a safety net. I have savings (though they have dwindled), I have investments, and I could access those if I needed to. But the savings are there in case my car dies, I need a new furnace, and to pay my real estate taxes, and the investments are for my son’s college and my retirement. So I have been trying to dip into these funds as little as possible.

Ergo, since freelance writing generally leaves much to be desired monetarily, I have lived like a poor person. I learned a great many things about life without money that I didn’t expect.

1. Staycations can be just as fun as vacations. My son and I used to take big vacations, like to Florida or South Dakota. We haven’t gone anywhere, except camping trips within the state, in three years. We did find an excellent campground that has become our new favorite, and even though in the future we will be able to afford bigger vacations out-of-state, we will still choose to go to this campground because it’s just that awesome.

2. I appreciate things more when they are fewer and farther between. When I did splurge to take my son out to eat for a special occasion (his birthday, for example), we had the most wonderful meals in the world because we missed our favorite restaurants so much. We recently went to my favorite pizza place that we hadn’t been to in years, and I swear it was the best-tasting pizza I have ever had in my entire life.

3. It is amazing how little you actually need. I stopped looking at the ads in the Sunday paper because when it came down to it, on a day-to-day basis, there wasn’t much I really needed. I already had everything, or could get by with what I had. There were things I could use, but not much I needed. I pretty much stopped shopping, except to buy things my son needed, or things for the house. I have bought very little for myself, and it’s really opened my eyes as to what is necessary in life and what is gravy.

4. It is okay to splurge once in a great while; it helps you feel more like the rest of the world. Although I was adamant about only buying things we absolutely needed, the one thing I bought in the last two years that was “unnecessary” was a two-person kayak so my son and I could go kayaking on our camping trips. We absolutely love it, and even though we’ve only used it a handful of times, I consider it money well spent.

5. The most important thing I learned, and the one thing I understand and share with those who are financially struggling, is this:

There is a pall that comes down on you when you don’t have enough money. It permeates everything you do and it never leaves you.

Every day, you are reminded about things you want or need but can’t have.

Every day you are reminded that you are poor.

It’s hard not to get depressed when you are in that state. It’s hard to see yourself get more and more into debt. It’s hard to tell your child that he can’t have what he wants because you don’t have the money, or that you can’t afford to take a vacation or buy a pool for the yard. It’s hard to go without health and dental insurance, especially when your teeth are falling apart and there’s nothing you can do about it, or when you injure yourself but try to diagnose and heal yourself using WebMD and the Mayo Clinic website because you can’t afford to go to the doctor.

My son has been stoic throughout this experience. Of all the things he misses, I think he misses pizza delivery the most. What I regret the most is that I have infected him with my “poverty attitude.” Now he is worried about money, too, and looking for ways to save. In a way it’s good for him to learn to be frugal, but in a way I’m sorry I dragged him into my financial issues. But we are a close-knit family of two; I could scarcely keep it a secret.

The most difficult thing for me has been to try to shrug off the “pall of poverty.” The constant telling yourself “I can’t do this, I can’t afford that, no, no, no.”

If you live in poverty in your mind, you will live in poverty in your life.

I had to keep telling myself that things would get better, that I would find a “real” job. I kept my positive attitude and the belief that someone, somewhere, would realize my potential.

And I was lucky to find that someone. I have just been offered a good-paying job with excellent benefits. While I am ecstatic over the prospect, it’s quite a shift in mental attitude that hasn’t quite sunk in yet. I will be able to afford things I not only need, but want. I won’t be struggling to pay the bills anymore. Best of all, I won’t have to live in the “I can’t” mindset anymore.

I am grateful for this experience over the last two years which has shown me how little a person really needs; and which has given me a glimpse into the lives of others who undergo hardships that I otherwise would not have understood.

If you know someone who is struggling financially, be kind to them. Do something for them. Even a small thing will brighten their day immensely. I have been so touched by the kindness of my friends and neighbors who have given me things, done things for me, bought me drinks, left chocolate at my doorstep, or paid for my dinner. I even caught breaks from perfect strangers who had no idea of my financial situation, but for whatever reason, gave me a deal on something or gave me something for free. I took it as a sign that the Universe was looking out for me.

For one who has always prided herself on being self-sufficient, it’s been humbling to “accept a little help from my friends,” and I am exceedingly grateful to have so many wonderful people in my life. My friends and family have been there for me, supporting me and encouraging me, throughout this whole process. To know that people are truly there for me to help me when I am down…that has been the greatest lesson of all.

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