I Get Jobs in Mysterious Ways…Including My New One

Not many people know this, but my last two jobs, plus the one I was just hired for, were obtained under unusual circumstances. In each case, the front-runner or short-term incumbent in the position vacated it, leaving me with the job. I swear Fate has taken a hand in this every single time.

Two jobs ago, my husband and I had just moved to a new area for his job and I was looking for work. I answered an ad in the newspaper for a human resources job, even though the deadline for applications mentioned in the ad had passed. I thought of calling to ask about the error, thinking maybe the ad was run by mistake, but decided just to send in my résumé anyway.

It turned out that someone had taken the job, which was a newly created position, but left after two weeks to return to her previous employer. One interview later, I was hired. It was a great job that I held for four years and I learned a lot that was essential to my getting the next job.

After having a baby, making a move, being a stay-at-home mom and getting a divorce, I was looking for work again, this time in another part of the state. I had been looking for many months for another HR job, but no one seemed to want to hire me after I had been out of the workforce for a few years.

After months of this, something kind of crazy happened. I was sitting by my computer, and the word “editor” jumped out at me. And I thought….yeah, I would like doing that. I had never even considered it before.

Not long after that happened, I saw the ad for an editor position at a local publishing company that would meld my HR knowledge, wicked research skills and inherent writing ability. I literally got chills up and down my body as soon as I saw the ad. I knew that was my job.

I went through an extensive hiring process for this job which was also a newly created position. It took several hours over several days to get through all the testing and interviews. Then came the final writing test. I did just fine with it, and I was hired.

It wasn’t until months later that I found out I was not the front-runner for the job. Another woman with more HR experience was. But when it came down to the final writing test, the last and final test, I don’t really understand what happened, but it was described to me that she had some sort of “nervous breakdown” and couldn’t complete the test. As a result I got the job, a job I wanted very much. I was there for seven years, and I learned a lot that was essential to my getting the next job.

Two years later as a struggling freelance writer, I found myself looking for work again. A job came to my attention, a paralegal position at a large corporation. The first time I saw the ad, I wasn’t sure about it, but eventually half-heartedly submitted an application. I didn’t even get a screening call.

A couple of months later, I saw the ad again, but this time it was changed to add more of a newsletter writing component, which piqued my interest considerably. I knew I wanted this “new improved” job which would blend my employment law knowledge with my writing skills, so I applied right away, wondering why it was being advertised again so soon.

Almost immediately I received a screening call. During that call, it was revealed to me that an internal candidate had gotten the job, but that she and her husband were going to be transferring out of the country. To South America. So the job, which was also a newly created position, was vacant.

And it was mine. I knew it was mine. How did I know? Because of the circumstances leading up to this. It couldn’t be a coincidence, it just couldn’t. And I was right.

I’m not sure what to make of all this except to say that I don’t believe in coincidences. It doesn’t bother me at all that I wasn’t the front-runner for any of these jobs. What matters is that I ended up with each job. The past two were great jobs, and I have a feeling this next one will be, too.

I feel it has all happened the way it was meant to be. I have no other explanation for these unusual circumstances. I believe the Universe really does look out for us.

Have you ever had anything freaky like this happen to you?

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My Two Years in Poverty: What I Learned About Life and Money

Two years ago I quit my job to work from home as a freelance writer, and since then I have lived in a poverty-like state. I do not want to disrespect people who truly live in poverty due to job loss or inability to find decent paying work, and live from unemployment check to unemployment check. Others find themselves in poverty through no fault of their own. I willingly did this to myself. But it’s been a difficult road nonetheless.

Unlike the truly poor, I have a safety net. I have savings (though they have dwindled), I have investments, and I could access those if I needed to. But the savings are there in case my car dies, I need a new furnace, and to pay my real estate taxes, and the investments are for my son’s college and my retirement. So I have been trying to dip into these funds as little as possible.

Ergo, since freelance writing generally leaves much to be desired monetarily, I have lived like a poor person. I learned a great many things about life without money that I didn’t expect.

1. Staycations can be just as fun as vacations. My son and I used to take big vacations, like to Florida or South Dakota. We haven’t gone anywhere, except camping trips within the state, in three years. We did find an excellent campground that has become our new favorite, and even though in the future we will be able to afford bigger vacations out-of-state, we will still choose to go to this campground because it’s just that awesome.

2. I appreciate things more when they are fewer and farther between. When I did splurge to take my son out to eat for a special occasion (his birthday, for example), we had the most wonderful meals in the world because we missed our favorite restaurants so much. We recently went to my favorite pizza place that we hadn’t been to in years, and I swear it was the best-tasting pizza I have ever had in my entire life.

3. It is amazing how little you actually need. I stopped looking at the ads in the Sunday paper because when it came down to it, on a day-to-day basis, there wasn’t much I really needed. I already had everything, or could get by with what I had. There were things I could use, but not much I needed. I pretty much stopped shopping, except to buy things my son needed, or things for the house. I have bought very little for myself, and it’s really opened my eyes as to what is necessary in life and what is gravy.

4. It is okay to splurge once in a great while; it helps you feel more like the rest of the world. Although I was adamant about only buying things we absolutely needed, the one thing I bought in the last two years that was “unnecessary” was a two-person kayak so my son and I could go kayaking on our camping trips. We absolutely love it, and even though we’ve only used it a handful of times, I consider it money well spent.

5. The most important thing I learned, and the one thing I understand and share with those who are financially struggling, is this:

There is a pall that comes down on you when you don’t have enough money. It permeates everything you do and it never leaves you.

Every day, you are reminded about things you want or need but can’t have.

Every day you are reminded that you are poor.

It’s hard not to get depressed when you are in that state. It’s hard to see yourself get more and more into debt. It’s hard to tell your child that he can’t have what he wants because you don’t have the money, or that you can’t afford to take a vacation or buy a pool for the yard. It’s hard to go without health and dental insurance, especially when your teeth are falling apart and there’s nothing you can do about it, or when you injure yourself but try to diagnose and heal yourself using WebMD and the Mayo Clinic website because you can’t afford to go to the doctor.

My son has been stoic throughout this experience. Of all the things he misses, I think he misses pizza delivery the most. What I regret the most is that I have infected him with my “poverty attitude.” Now he is worried about money, too, and looking for ways to save. In a way it’s good for him to learn to be frugal, but in a way I’m sorry I dragged him into my financial issues. But we are a close-knit family of two; I could scarcely keep it a secret.

The most difficult thing for me has been to try to shrug off the “pall of poverty.” The constant telling yourself “I can’t do this, I can’t afford that, no, no, no.”

If you live in poverty in your mind, you will live in poverty in your life.

I had to keep telling myself that things would get better, that I would find a “real” job. I kept my positive attitude and the belief that someone, somewhere, would realize my potential.

And I was lucky to find that someone. I have just been offered a good-paying job with excellent benefits. While I am ecstatic over the prospect, it’s quite a shift in mental attitude that hasn’t quite sunk in yet. I will be able to afford things I not only need, but want. I won’t be struggling to pay the bills anymore. Best of all, I won’t have to live in the “I can’t” mindset anymore.

I am grateful for this experience over the last two years which has shown me how little a person really needs; and which has given me a glimpse into the lives of others who undergo hardships that I otherwise would not have understood.

If you know someone who is struggling financially, be kind to them. Do something for them. Even a small thing will brighten their day immensely. I have been so touched by the kindness of my friends and neighbors who have given me things, done things for me, bought me drinks, left chocolate at my doorstep, or paid for my dinner. I even caught breaks from perfect strangers who had no idea of my financial situation, but for whatever reason, gave me a deal on something or gave me something for free. I took it as a sign that the Universe was looking out for me.

For one who has always prided herself on being self-sufficient, it’s been humbling to “accept a little help from my friends,” and I am exceedingly grateful to have so many wonderful people in my life. My friends and family have been there for me, supporting me and encouraging me, throughout this whole process. To know that people are truly there for me to help me when I am down…that has been the greatest lesson of all.

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Breathe…and Keep Things in Perspective

I emailed a good friend telling her I was freaking out over a job interview I have later this week. In my defense, it’s an intimidating interview: seven people, three of them attorneys, over three-and-a-half hours. I’ve been in intimidating interview situations before, worse, in fact. But not in a while, and I’ve been feeling overwhelmed trying to prepare.

Do you know what she said to me? “Relax and breathe.”

She was right. I tend to over-stress about things. But then I realized that it’s my way of preparing. I get freaked out, which leads me to prepare as much as I can for whatever I am facing. While it’s (probably) possible to over-prepare, in my book it isn’t, so I made a list of all the things I plan to do to get ready. And as I check things off my list, I feel better, so that by the time I get to the interview, I should feel a little nervous but also confident. Of course you can’t prepare for the unexpected, but if you do the best you can, it will show.

In my last job I was called upon to be a conference speaker. It wasn’t in my job description when I was hired; it was something that developed after I was there. I didn’t want to do it, knowing that I would never feel comfortable speaking in front of a group, even though I knew I could do it if I had to. But I did do it, several times. And I found that for me, preparation is the key.

I know someone who could give an hour-long presentation off the top of his head and feel entirely comfortable doing it. That’s not me. But I can give an hour-long presentation working off my PowerPoint slides and look comfortable doing it. That’s preparation. Feeling confident in yourself, even if you’re not entirely comfortable with the situation.

I have to remind myself at times like this, when I throw myself into a tizzy over something, that in the grand scheme of things, it’s just a blip.

We tend to get so wrapped up in the drama of our lives that we forget to look at the big picture. We tend to make ourselves crazy with worry, and for what? It will go how it will go, and then it will be done.

It sounds so cliché, but I remind myself that there are people out there who are worried about not having enough food to eat. There are people in Colorado who have no homes because they’ve been washed away by floods. And I’m worried about a job interview? I should consider myself lucky and blessed!

Perspective is a wonderful grounding tool. I highly recommend it to get your head back to where it should be.

If you find yourself working yourself up into a frenzy, remember to keep it all in perspective. And remember to relax and BREATHE.

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The Nature of My Nature

In a previous post I talked about my inclination to be a hermit. Since then I’ve been thinking a lot about my nature, and I’ve realized a few things about myself.

I tend to withdraw, unintentionally. I get so involved in my own little world that I forget to reach out to others to see how they’re doing in theirs. It’s not on purpose that I ignore the world, or my friends, or my family; I’m just so focused on my little corner of it that I forget to check in.

I care about people a lot, even if I don’t show it. For all I share about myself here, I’m actually your typical reserved Capricorn. I have been, and can be, outgoing, depending on the situation. But I’ve become more reserved as my life has gotten smaller, which is due in part to the nature of my job, which is a lonely, singular profession, as well as less money to spend on fun. I expect this will change when I get a regular job. I have not deserted my friends; I’ve just put my social life on hold for a while.

The scared little girl inside the grown woman is still just underneath the surface. Seems to me that most people do away with their “inner child” as they get older and wiser, or at least ninja-kick that part of themselves to the back of their psyche. I’ve been able to do that at times, but she always comes back. Sometimes I catch myself thinking or acting as if I’m still that person that I was growing up — the one who felt invisible, disregarded, not good enough. I have to remind myself that it’s just old internal programming that serves no purpose and isn’t true. I would think by now I wouldn’t have to do that, but that little girl is still my companion, whether I like it or not. And I REALLY hope I’m not the only one who feels this way.

I need people, but I like to think I don’t. I grew up to be independent because I had to be. I won’t get into the details of why that was, but I learned early on that the only person I could really count on was myself, and I’ve lived that way ever since. Although, I will say that I could, and did, rely on my husband when I was married, at least for many things. It’s not that I have trust issues; it’s just that if you only rely on yourself, the only person who can disappoint you is you. However, I do need people, and I know I need to give people the benefit of the doubt.

I forget that people need me. I’ve gone through life trying so hard not to need anyone that I forget people need me, and I have let a few people down in that regard simply because I didn’t realize that. At various times my mom needed me and my son needed me, and I didn’t realize it, and I let them both down. I deeply regret this. It wasn’t intentional, I just didn’t understand. I don’t realize what an impact I have on others’ lives. Sometimes I feel like I’m just breezing through life like a ghost, not touching anyone and no one touching me, but I know that isn’t the case. Every life makes an impact on someone, and often you have no idea what kind of impact you make, and not just on those closest to you. I have had brief encounters with people I just met that, years later, I still remember. Just conversations, but conversations that have stayed with me. You never know whose life you will touch, when it might happen, or to what extent you will impact someone else. And it can happen by the smallest act or by just a few well-placed words.

I am at my best when I am part of a couple. I know I may catch some flak for this, but I know this to be true for me. Being with someone else takes me out of my shell, gets me out and socializing, and simply makes me a happier person, one who feels more fulfilled. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not unhappy as a single person. I just know I’m happier when I’m in a loving relationship. That said, it’s interesting that I haven’t been in one for about a decade. And while that has been my choice for part of the time, this has not been my happiest decade. In fact, it’s been one of the hardest, and the lack of love is one of the reasons. That being said…

Lack of love won’t kill me. I didn’t know I could live so long without love. I never thought that was possible for me; it used to be the one thing I lived for. I went through life going from relationship to relationship just looking for the next love “high” to make me feel good. I was a “love junkie.” But now I know I can live without it and be okay. It was a long, difficult journey to get to this point, but having that knowledge is worth something. I hope I don’t have to live without love forever, but if that’s how things turn out, it won’t kill me. Ten years ago, I think it would have.

My point in sharing all this is to have you take a look at your own nature. As you can see, I have to fight my nature at times. I have to fight it to be more social, I have to fight it to reach my potential, and I have to fight it to be the best person I can be for myself and for others. We have to walk that fine line between accepting ourselves as we are, accepting our natures; and pushing ourselves outside of our comfort zones. But every time I have pushed the edge of that envelope, it has been well worth it.

In what ways do you fight your nature?

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Finding the “Right” Job

When I made the decision some months ago to leave the freelance writer life, I was faced with the inevitable question: What do I want to do now? That was a hard question; because I thought what I really wanted to do was be a writer. I thought I had found the perfect job. Except it wasn’t so perfect after all, for a number of reasons.

First, I’m not the fastest writer, and you need to churn out content quickly to keep the checks rolling in. I’m not a churner, never have been. I’m more meticulous and I double- and triple-check my facts. I want to get it right, not just throw something together and call it good. So I’m a bit poky for this kind of work. Strike one.

Second, I’m not the most organized person in the world. Anyone who has worked with me and seen my desk knows this. However, the mess around me does seem to spur my creativity. I once cleaned off my desk only to find I couldn’t write. Nothing came to my mind. I have no idea why this works the way it does, but if you could see my desk and office surroundings as I type this, you would wonder how anyone could work in such a mess. And yet, it works for me.

However, more to my point…disorganization doesn’t help on the business end of things, and when you’re running your own business, that’s another set of skills that I could use more of. Strike two.

Thirdly, I don’t like having to scrounge for work. I just like having work. And when you’re consumed with finding work that will pay the bills right away, you end up taking whatever you can get, and ignoring what you really want to write, because what you really want to write won’t pay anything immediately and maybe not at all. And you might end up writing things you don’t really like to write, but you can’t give them up because they help pay the bills. Strike three.

Finally, it just doesn’t pay all that well. Certain assignments do pay very well, and I’ve been lucky to have some of those; but most writing assignments do not pay well for the amount of work and the time and effort you put into your work product. And that’s a frustrating way to live.

So…when I began my search for a “regular” job, I had to figure out what on earth was next. I love writing, and if I can’t be a writer, what comes after that? When I asked myself: what do I really want to DO? Nothing jumped out at me, and I finally realized why.

As long as I find work that is meaningful and fulfilling to me, and where I am productive and of service to someone, it doesn’t really matter what I’m doing. I don’t need to have a job as a writer to be happy (you know me, I’ll write anyway).

I have many talents and skills that could be of use to people. I would rather do something meaningful that doesn’t involve writing than use my skills as a writer to create something that carries no meaning for me at all (which is why I never got into copywriting/advertising).

One thing I’ve realized is that I’ve changed in my expectations of an employer. I worked for a company 20 years ago that I would never work for now. While one could argue they were providing a needed service, today I am sorry to have participated in that organization, even though I loved my job there at the time.

Today I am concerned about making people’s lives better as well as improving the environment. I would hope that an employer I work for gives back to the community, shows efforts to be sustainable, and makes the world a better place. It’s a lot more to ask from an employer than just a paycheck, but that’s how times have changed, and that’s how I have changed. Not only does my job have to mean something, my employer has to make a positive impact on the world. My employer has to have a conscience, and hopefully, a heart.

So I am looking for a job that “hits” me in a way that says: Here, I can be of some use. Here, I can do some good. And as long as I will like what I’m doing, it doesn’t really matter to me what it is, as long as I’m helping people.

So now that I have more clarity of direction, let’s hope that the “right” job finds me.

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I Don’t Want to Be “That Person”

In my observation, there are three kinds of divorced people: the first type are those who remarry right away; the second type are those who date continuously but never settle down; and the third type are those who give up looking altogether and remain single.

At first I thought I would be the first type. But, as I’ve explained in previous posts, after seeing what a difficult time my son had with his dad’s remarriage, I didn’t want to upset his life even more. So then, unconsciously, I became the second type. I dated a lot for a while, but became disenchanted with it over time.

Now I am afraid of becoming the third type, because at the moment, I’ve stopped looking and I have no desire to look. I’m tired of online dating, singles dances, and whatever else I used to do to meet men. I did it all for years with no real results. If I happened to meet someone in the course of my daily life, that would be fine. I just don’t want to go out of my way to search anymore.

It doesn’t help that I’m sort of a hermit. I dislike crowds, so I avoid many events. I don’t hang out in bars. Currently I work in my home, so I don’t meet people through work. My son isn’t involved in any extracurricular activities, so I don’t meet anyone that way.

I keep to myself mostly, or hang with my son. It’s a small life, but it’s a comfortable life, except during those times when thoughts nag at me telling me I don’t have a life. I know there is some truth to that. I should be more social. I shouldn’t be so alone. I know this. I also know it would be good for me to find someone who would help me break out of this shell.

I never have been, and never will be, one of those people who fill up every corner of their schedule with social events. That would drive me crazy. I need down time, and I need quiet alone time to recharge. Often. Like daily. This is how I’m wired. Too much busy-ness leaves me flustered, cranky, and feeling overwhelmed. I’m a quiet person with a quiet life.

This kind of nature does not help when one needs to socialize. What worries me is that I don’t feel the need to date. I’m not unhappy with my life the way it is. I don’t miss dating. And as far as being in a serious relationship, I don’t even remember what that’s like. How can I miss what I don’t remember?

I fear that maybe I have waited too long to get in a relationship. I fear I no longer care enough to try. I fear I have become too comfortable without one. I fear I have become the “third type,” which all along was never my intent.

So once again, I will force myself to struggle against my nature and struggle against my complacency and be more social and open to meeting someone, and continue to wonder why life has to be so darn hard. All I know for sure is that I don’t want to go through the rest of my life alone if I can help it. And if I wait too long to meet someone, I probably will.

When there are so many more important things in life to think about, it’s sad that this is what’s on my mind. But we tend to think about those things that affect us the most in our daily lives. Maybe the lesson in this is that we have to take stock of our lives every once in a while and see where we are in relation to where we want to be. And if we are not on the path to where we want to be, it’s time to make a change.

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